At that, our now very excited jeweler went and fetched their special stock from the safe. "Here's one stunning ring at $40,000." The girl’s eyes sparkled, and the man said that he would take it. "How are you paying?" asked the jeweler. "I'll pay by check; but of course the bank will want to make sure that everything is in order, so I'll write a check and you can phone the bank tomorrow, and then I'll fetch the ring on Monday."

Monday morning, the very disappointed jeweler phoned the man. "You lied, there's no money in that account." "I know, sorry, but can you imagine what a FANTASTIC weekend I had?"

The First Mrs. Smith
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist ”Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things" replied the artist.

"I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

Funny But True (January 16, 2007)

A German jeweler more than $1.98 million worth of gold and diamond when the guard dog he hired to protect him while transporting his valuable cargo, took a toilet break. Harald Herzmann told police that he hired a security guard and guard dog to transport the jewelry from Duesseldorf in Germany to Tirol in Austria. He said a suitcase containing his latest jewelry creations was inside his car when the dog decided he needed a "bathroom break." Herzmann told authorities, "I was walking the dog together with the security man and somebody grabbed the suitcases from the car.

"I often make the journey but not usually with so much jewelry, and had hired a security guard and dog as extra precautions." Police said they were investigating a report that two youngsters were seen running from the area carrying the suitcase.